Acknowledging My Past

While I was cleaning up my room as I prepare to head to college, I found things from my past.

I read through my diary entries from 2010 till 2012 back when I was still living in Singapore (and back when diaries still existed). 

Those were the glorious days of my teenage years - the days when everyone seemed to love me, the days when many marveled at my athletic capabilities, the days when I was a popular kid and talked to a number of guys. 

But those, too, were the dark days of my teenage years - the days when I was not especially intellectually driven, the days when I was obsessed with fame, the days when none of my romantic interests reciprocated the way that I had wanted. 

The reason I am writing this is because I'm ready to come clean after four years.

It's a funny feeling and a bittersweet one really. Sometimes I would feel the anguish and the pain all over again from not doing well on tests, from not given a chance to perform on the court, from not getting a text back from a guy I liked. Sometimes I would feel a smile spreading across my face from recalling the times when I had fun with my friends and when my crushes smiled at me. 

Obviously, I don't really talk to the people I called friends or the guys I was interested in now. It's not that I hate my "friends" or anything for not caring about me or talking to me ever since I moved to Shanghai, it's just that people grow apart and there was no point in talking to them again. Also, it's not that the guys were horrible people (quite frankly a few were extremely nice and I wouldn't mind running into them on the streets one day and catching up over a cup of coffee with them), it's just that what happens in the past stays in the past.

I tossed many things away while cleaning my room - school magazines, homework, SAT stuff, and random doodles. I struggled to decide if I should toss my diaries too but after a lot of thought and consideration, I decided to keep it.

There are certain pages that I tore off because I did not want to see a certain name anymore. I don't exactly believe in "forgive and forget" because some things are just unforgivable and unforgettable. 

But there are many pages that I kept because that was still my past. I have moved on, but I acknowledge my past. I acknowledge that I wasn't the best person I could be and I acknowledge that I wasn't the nicest person ever. And I feel that it is so important for me to accept and acknowledge my past because that is what I look back on and say, "I have came a long way and I have grown and I'm glad I'm a better person."

Don't get me wrong, it was painful losing everything I had when I moved. 

But then again, I never really had anything looking back. I wished that someone was there to stop me from being the monster that I was and I wished that someone was there to stop me from getting hurt. 

I'm coming clean because I have nothing to hide. It's not who you were, it's who you are now. 

It's the things that hurt the most that make you grow the most. Quite frankly, I'm glad things happened the way they happened. It made me a much stronger person and nothing can ever break me the way this did. 

I just hope that if you are reading this and are going through something difficult, you'll only become stronger. Know that I'm here for you when no one was there for me. Know that you'll pull through. Know that better days are coming. 

Thank you for reading and for being non-judgmental.

5 Lessons From High School

Hey guys!

As a very recent high school graduate, I decided that I would pick out 5 important lessons I learnt from high school. I hope that this will help you if you happen to still be in high school or are entering high school. I would just like to make a disclaimer that this is just my personal opinion and you don't have to take me too seriously if you do not wish to do so!

So here goes...

1. If you have heard bad comments on a teacher and you happen to be put into his/her class at the start of the year, SWITCH OUT

Don't be as stupid as I was and stay in the teacher's class because you had friends in that class or because you find a person particularly interesting. NOT WORTH IT. This one teacher single-handedly ruined my GPA and the worse thing was I totally did not learn anything from him. Also, you have to realize bad teachers who still listen to your opinion and try their best to teach is one thing, but bad teachers who do not admit that they cannot teach and still end up giving you bad grades is a whole other thing.

2. Do not procrastinate and try your very best to exercise even when you're busy

For me, I always try to sleep before 12am and for the most part, I've been pretty successful. I hardly ever procrastinate and I hardly spend any time on social media on the weekdays. Sleeping early also helped me feel more rejuvenated so that I can actually concentrate fully in class. 

I wasn't very good at getting exercise when I had lets say a ton of tests in a week. However, whenever I did exercise or I had to run because it was basketball season, I felt like I was so much more energized while studying and I also got a better sleep. 

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

There may be people in your school who seem perfect, but that doesn't mean you're not in your own way. There may also be people in your school who don't deserve what they have, but that doesn't mean you have to be salty about them. Comparing yourself to others will only stop you from getting happiness and peacefulness. Yes, there may be people who are smarter, or better looking, but ultimately things come together and everything will happen the way it is meant to be. 

4. Be thankful to teachers who care about you

As mentioned previously, I have met some horrible teachers. However, I have also met some amazing teachers who are not only passionate about what they teach but who also cared about me as a person. I have a few teachers I feel so close to that they are more like friends than teachers. I know I can always rely on them if I have any questions in the future but the more important thing is that I am truly thankful for the effort they put into making me a better student and a better person. A simple gift or a card can express your gratitude for them.

5. True friends stay

I get along with a lot of people well enough but I only call a few friends "friends." They are nonjudgmental, understanding, and they always have my back. Sometimes friendships fall apart and I've learned from my previous experience of moving to Shanghai from Singapore that that is PERFECTLY FINE. You shouldn't be putting in so much effort to try to continue to be friends with someone who does not reciprocate in the way you desire. Yes, it hurts, but life goes on. In a matter of years you probably won't remember a lot of people you've met because the tiny handful of people you call friends is enough.

These are just 5 lessons I immediately recall and of course there are many other things I have learnt. I hope you found this helpful and thank you so much for reading!

Hello 2016

Hey guys!

Happy New Year :D

I know this may be a little late since it's already a few days into 2016, but I'd still like to wish all my readers a Happy New Year. 

2015 was a rather eventful year for me. Of course, there will always be ups and downs. I'll first like to share the more significant "good things" and also "the not so good things" that happened to me in 2015. 

The not so good:

• Basketball did not go particularly well.
• Lost a friend who I thought was different. 
• Was blocked by security guards when I tried to get a photo with Jeremy Lin and his autograph. 

The good:

• Made a pass to Jeremy Lin, stood beside him (it was during his game so I couldn't actually talk to him), and he made eye contact with me twice.
• Senior year and college applications went pretty smoothly.
• Had an eventful internship during the summer.
• Visited Hawaii.
• Got to swim in the infinity pool in Singapore.
• Met some old friends.
• Went to Taylor Swift's 1989 concert. 

These are just some highlights from my life last year and there are a lot of other good things and not so good things that I won't be able to list here. 

Obviously, with a new year, I have some New Year's Resolutions. 

1. Exercise more:

I think it's very important to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I don't aim to be as fast as Usain Bolt or anything, but I just want to exercise more regularly. I know that I will be busy at college, but I would like to make sure that I don't get Freshman 15.

2. Make new friends, but keep certain old ones close:

After a recent fallout with a "best friend" back home, I was again made aware of how friendship is a two-way relationship and how difficult it is to find a true friend. I hope that as I enter college in 2016, I would find a small group of friends I can always depend on and trust one another wholeheartedly. However, that doesn't mean that I will forget my dearest and closest friends in Shanghai American School. I've made great memories with them and I look forward to making even more memories in 2016 with them and even after we graduate. 

3. Spend more time with my family:

Since I was really busy with school this year, I would like to spend more time with my family. I will also set a day and time to Skype my family after I have gone to college. 

4. Try something new:

2016 is the year I graduate from high school and enter a new phrase in my life - college. I want to take different classes to learn about things I have never thought about before and I also want to take part in new activities. From taking up a new sport or joining a new club, I think being more adventurous will help me develop new interests and meet new people. 

5. Read more:

Last year was really such a busy year for me that I couldn't spend as much time as I would like with books. This year, I'm determined that I would spend more time with books. I think reading is very therapeutic at times and reading just lets me gain a new perspective. 

So those my New Year's Resolutions! I'm leaving the negative in 2015 behind, and I'm really looking forward to 2016. Once again, I always believe that one has to put in some sort of effort to make great memories in a new year. Sitting around won't help, but doing something will.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post! Once again, to all my readers, thank you for reading my blog and I truly appreciate your support :)

Improving Myself

Hi guys!

A lot has been happening recently and I really had no time to blog a lot. But I feel that this is gonna be a very important blog post because I want to reflect on myself so that I can become a better person. I treat this blog as a space not only for fashion/beauty but where I can write my thoughts too when I don't feel like talking to anyone in particular. I know this sounds cheesy but I believe that every once in a while, we all need to do a deep self-evaluation about our lives no matter how busy we are. So here goes my list on some things I feel like I want to get better at. This post is gonna be really really deep just saying :)

1) Eye-contact

I don't know why, but I find it EXTREMELY difficult to keep eye contact with someone when they are talking to me, especially with guys. My eyes just subconsciously flicker away after a few seconds. I'm not sure if I'm shy or awkward, but I feel like this is something I really need to work on. It's like I look away because I'm afraid that they will see the flaws on my face, on me. However, eyes really convey a lot of emotion and I want to be able to look into someone else's eyes too so that I can feel more human and connect with them.

Btw, I'm sorry if the way I write is philosophically deep. I'm just pouring out all my inner thoughts so yeah just bare with me. My views are kinda interesting too ok. 

2) Being aggressive

I don't mean being violent, I'm saying that I want to be more confident of myself and express my views more courageously. Sometimes, I feel like I'm afraid to hurt people, because I know that it doesn't feel good to get hurt by others. But not expressing my views honestly and fearlessly will just end up backfiring and I will be the one who is losing out on what I have to say. Being aggressive doesn't mean that you are being hurtful, you are just expressing bare facts. I don't want to keep backing down to others' opinions and giving in to their way of thinking, because I have my own mind too and I don't want people to keep speaking for me from now on. 

3) To care more, but only for the right people

Society easily influences us. Ever since I moved to Shanghai, I feel like I don't feel love here. The local people are extremely impatient, they glare at you, and you don't expect them to show any acts of kindness towards you. Honestly, I have lost faith in 90% of the Chinese society. I don't want to become as heartless as them because no one likes heartless people and I keep this mental note to myself that I will always spread love to others whenever possible. HOWEVER, I'm not going to be too nice because nice people often give the impression that others can easily take advantage of them. Frankly, moving to Shanghai has helped me figure out who my true friends are or at least who are not my friends anymore. I can confidently say that almost 80% of the people in my old school in Singapore might have known me, talked to me, or hung out with me, but right now, I'm still not even confident enough to say that I have 5 people I consider as friends. I cared too much about people who didn't care about me. Feeling as if I am taken for granted, I learnt a lesson. I know I sound extremely mean and I don't seem like someone who spreads love, but if you think about this, I'm sure it has happened to you to some extent before. You treat others the way you want to be treated, and if you don't care about me, then I honestly don't see why I should dedicate so much effort caring about you. I promise myself that I will take the effort to start caring, to reach out a helping hand and put a smile on others' faces first. But afterwards, if only one party is trying to spread love to the other, it just doesn't work.

4) Think smarter

Yes, I know, I want to think smarter. A lot of people think that my grades are really good but I'm honestly not that smart. I just study a lot. Most of the information that goes into my brain leaves my brain after a year. Somehow I'm doing something wrong and I need to find out what that is. And also, ever since I went to Stanford for a summer camp and interacted with some really intelligent people, it motivated me to learn like them. They are always participating, thinking, and trying to understand why something works the way it does and I think that's what I want to work on instead of just listening to the teacher and going, "Oh okay sure". 

5) Believing that someone right is out there, but I just haven't met him yet

I seriously wished that some of my old crushes dated me. But unfortunately, nothing ever happened. Sometimes, I get really frustrated at myself and wonder, "What am I doing wrong" or "Why don't they like me". Other times, I get really angry at them and go like, "Yo I'm a really sassy and intelligent and funny girl do you not get it you should date me". Sometimes, even my mom thinks that there must be at least one guy who is interested in me but "Hahaha no mom, no guys like me" is always my answer to her. I'm not trying to boast that I'm girlfriend material and everyone should date me but I always feel as if I'm NEVER good enough for any of my previous crushes. I start losing hope in myself and then sometimes I start losing hope in guys. But I know that I must never think that way. Just because 50 guys do not appreciate you for who you are, doesn't mean that there won't be a guy out there waiting to appreciate you. I want to stop being negative about certain guys and just wait for the right one to come by. 

Yeah and that will be all I have. I tried stating my opinion as clearly as I could. Thanks for reading this long post! :)

10 Unpopular Opinions

Hi guys!

A few days ago, #ConfessYourUnpopularOpinion was trending on Twitter. I thought I share with you what my unpopular opinions are! I believe everyone has their own opinion on different things, and if you don't agree with me, it's perfectly fine! Here goes...

1) Girls taking photos in the fitting room.

Why are you even doing that? Do you not realize that people how long the queue is and people are waiting for you to get out and buy your clothes so that they can actually try out their clothes? Go home and take selfies oh my god.

2) One Direction is overrated.

I don't see why people go so crazy over them. I honestly think it's just because of their looks and British accents. Their lyrics are just so repetitive and I don't consider their songs as good music.

3) Posting bikini/beach photos are perfectly fine.

People are just having fun at the beach. Why do you go on and judge them, and say, "What's wrong with you? Stop showing off your body." Hey at least they are confident with whatever their body looks like. But if people are not at the beach and they post bikini pictures, I would find that weird and that they are just simply showing off their body.

4) I can't stand people saying that Lorde is ugly.

You won't want people to take a photo of you singing at random times do you? People smile and pose at certain times because they are ready to get a photo taken. You may say she looks really old but the fact is, she's still 17 and she's probably much more successful than you are when you're 17.

5) I really dislike Justin Bieber.

He's way too arrogant. Being 2 hours late for concerts? Spitting at fans? Parking his Ferrari in the handicapped parking lot? He's not a decent human being. So what if you're a celebrity? That doesn't give you the right to treat everyone like they are inferior. Bieber fans are saying that we should "forgive" Justin for drink driving. How narrow-minded can they get? People DIE from other people's stupidity. Is it fair for them then? And his mug shot. He thinks he's such a swaggy. 

6) You can say that our education system is too stressful, it doesn't recognize different people's talent and it's unfair, but are there certain things that are actually valuable?

I can list a 100 reasons why I don't like school, but there's always something more valuable to school. School teaches you to work hard. School teaches you to deal with different people. School teaches you to communicate in front of a crowd. You don't like school? Deal with it. You may not realize it now, but the little things you don't notice are going to help you in future.

7) I don't like to be around people who radiate negativeness.

"Give everyone a chance". Would you like to be friends with someone who never smiles, who never laughs, and who is constantly sarcastic? 

8) I don't get teens who drink alcohol.

Firstly, many of them are not even legal. Secondly, they are drinking alcohol just to make themselves look good, or give themselves an excuse to do stupid stuff. Thirdly, I learnt in PE that alcohol damages the teenage brain, which basically makes them more dumb. Basically, their wasting their youth and their potential to do so much more. 

9) I hate Chinese New Year music.

Enough said, they are just so loud and annoying.

10) Makeup is fantastic.

I know people always say, "Natural beauty is the best", but makeup makes almost everyone instantly more confident. I do not fully agree with people saying, "With or without makeup, you're still the same beautiful lady". I mean it's a really nice thing to say, but obviously there is a difference when people put on makeup. The whole point of makeup is to look better. I see the transformation on myself and on others. Makeup really helps to enhance my face and I become so much more confident talking to my friends or even to a guy. I believe that makeup is a wonderful creation, and that is why my dream is to work in a well-known makeup company in future. I want to contribute to this wonderful world and help fellow ladies like me become more confident of themselves.

Hopefully some of my thoughts are the same as yours but of course they don't have to be. Thanks for reading! 

To All The Graduating Secondary School Singapore Kids

So, yesterday was the last day of school in my old school and once again, my Instagram is spammed with all their photos. I think I could have seen all 400 people in my grade at that time.

But that's okay. 

I want to tell you guys what I wanted to say in my video to you all during Prom Night (which was not included in the class video).

First of all, people leave and that's something I have learnt and accepted. I hope you have someone who truly cares about you and will keep in touch with you no matter how busy they are. You're gonna meet new people anyway but do keep a few close ones with you.

Secondly, be appreciative of all the people around you because they made you a better person, especially your teachers. I find that some people take others for granted and once you realize how much they actually meant to you, it's too late.

Lastly, and most importantly, keep your own promise of keeping in touch with others because if you don't talk to others when you say you will, it's kinda hurtful.

That's all I have to say. I hope you guys had a wonderful and meaningful time throughout your secondary school life *inserts satisfied face emoji*.

*On a side note, I knew Prom was on the 20th of November and I was thinking of flying back to Singapore just to crash prom but I realized it was a Wednesday and it was in the middle of a school week. Oh well.